and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize