dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
