Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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