On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
