At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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