Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
