I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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