Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bring me that man meat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
