So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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