Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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