I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
they need to just BURY HIM!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
