just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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