Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
