i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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