The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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