He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
