Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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