We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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