How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
