I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
