I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
