Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
