It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
