fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
