So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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