I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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