We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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