That's intense
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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