I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All the doctor said was why
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
