she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
