One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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