There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You are a genius and a whore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
