I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
