ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
