I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
