i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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