i will never coherently bang her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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