I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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