i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
