So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
