so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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