The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
