"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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