I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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