I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
