I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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