So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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