OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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