I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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