So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
