Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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