We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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