Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
