THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
