Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You're like the curious george of whores
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
