I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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