Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
