I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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