I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just gift wrapped bread.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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