Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
