Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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