he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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