I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
