hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
