I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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