You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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