I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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