Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
