my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
